The Election Industry

U.S. unemployment numbers are down for the first time in four years! The new figures haven't been felt in all industries, however, as mostly electronic and print media companies, and button manufacturers seem to be cranking up the presses, so to speak. The rapid rise in employment seems to be fueled by revenues coming from unannounced, even secretive sources that appear to have only U.S. origins. The increase in U.S. employment has not yet been matched by any International fluctuations as far as the IMF can tell.

Greece, for example, has shown no such drastic increase, nor has Spain, with its chronic unemployment for anyone under the age of thirty. In addition, neither Ireland nor Portugal has shown any such employment surge. China, however, is singular in its recent manufacturing increases as several large U.S. Button manufacturers recently shipped new orders overseas to increase profits and avoid U.S. Taxes. These companies have told their overseas manufacturers to prepare for drastic increases in the third quarter of this year.  Chinese officials say they are absorbing the increased orders without increasing manufacturing capabilities as they are not convinced the cycle is sustainable, at least not for more than the end of this year. 

The United States is apparently alone in this drastic, unexpected rise in employment.  Oddly, only certain segments of the economy are feeling the growth, particularly those involved in consulting, advertising, teeth whitening, bumper sticker distribution, and ghost writing, which has shown an astonishing 400 percent growth since last December. Florida led the way recently with an unaccountable twenty-five million dollar surge that unfortunately dissipated soon after January 31^st. 

State officials hurriedly pointed out the indicators for increased spending are on the horizon for the middle of this year that they hope will possibly surpass the huge amount seen the first part of this year. State officials also hope Tampa, for reasons not disclosed, will be the economic “Start Button” for Florida, but those same officials, off-the-record, indicated past histories have shown that Tampa can not sustain either the enthusiasm for unbridled spending or a winning NFL football team.

Republican pundits dismissed the economic growth, which reflects well on the Obama administration, saying they have seen this kind of election trickery before. One House of Representative member commented from the first Tee at Doral's, Blue Monster “I have never seen so many caddies here before in my life, but that doesn't always translate into sustainable growth! I know that after the beginning of next year things will fall back like they always do. We need to cut Social Security and Medicare as soon as possible!  ...Fore!”

While the White House denies any specific Federal program can be attributed to the increased spending, it states emphatically the White House can not be responsible for decisions made by other branches of the government that allow people, such as General Motors, Pfizer, Boeing, or any other person, from revitalizing any industry they choose to invest in.

The White House says it will continue to do its part to reduce unemployment by encouraging use of radio, television, surfing the Internet, and wearing buttons. 

 

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Conservative Leaders Criticize Obama

Conservative Leaders Criticize Obama ‘Attack’ on Religion

In a rare display of religious unity, both Mullahs of the ruling Iranian Party and the Taliban of Afghanistan, joined with the Republican Party of the United States in the unanimously denouncing President Obama's January 20^th announcement requiring sectarian schools and hospitals to provide birth-control coverage to employees. Republican leaders, seeking to rally conservatives at an annual gathering, accused President Barack Obama of assaulting religious liberty by requiring sectarian schools and hospitals to provide birth-control coverage to employees.

The Mullahs scoffed at the Obama policy, saying they handled the birth control issue quickly and fairly, pointing out the execution of Atefah Ali, a 16 year old Iranian Girl for “Crimes against Chastity.” “We don't need no stinking contraceptives,” sneered one young Mullah. We have an endless supply of stones which we throw accurately and with great fervor to support our laws about Chastity.

Spurred by the religious fervor and unexpected support, the Senate Minority Leader Republican Mitch McConnell said, “The Obama administration has crossed a dangerous line,” addressing hundreds of Republican activists who attended the Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington.  “We will fight this attack on the fundamental right to religious freedom until the courts overturn it,” said McConnell, Senator from Kentucky.

According to the Associated Press, “The administration’s decision, announced Jan. 20, has quickly entered the presidential campaign. Catholic bishops ordered lectures from pulpits across the country. Republicans view the ruling as a potential liability for Obama, particularly in swing states including Michigan and Pennsylvania with large populations of Catholic voters.”

The Taliban said the ruling would not affect areas of Afghanistan they now control, or will overrun in the near future, but were meeting only to show their unanimous support for God taking control of any government. The Iranian Mullahs were as united in their support of the American conservatives as well, demanding Mattel quit making an insidious instrument to defeat God's laws, the Barbie Doll. In support of their January 12^th ban on the sale of Barbie Dolls, the 'Trojan horse' that the Mullahs claim sneaks in western influences like makeup and revealing clothes and helps undermine God's laws, the Mullahs showed a flickering black and white silent movie showing what appeared to be a young girl holding a Barbie doll instead of a Koran!

House Speaker John Boehner, an Ohio Republican, has promised that his chamber will pass legislation to overturn Obama's rule.

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